Bhagavan’s devotion for Ramakrishna Paramahamsa began with the book Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna. During His polytechnic years, he was immersed in the book and even recommended it to his childhood friend, Sampath.
Bhagavan says that “Books and deities made my life so I will give my life to them” One of those books is the The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, the words of Bhagavan himself. Even now he recommends this book to spiritual seekers wanting to know more about the great enlightened master that was Sri Ramakrishna Paramahamsa. This was the being whose photograph Swamiji carried around with him for fourteen years until the very last step to his own ultimate realization!
For ten years I read gospel of Sri Ramakrishna every night. Never felt bored of this spiritual truths. Sometimes, the spiritual truths create guilt in you because, you feel you are reading, but you are not practicing or you are failing, then you stop reading. No. whether it creates dissatisfaction in me, greed in me or fear in me, I am not going to stop. Again & again & again, without feeling boredom, tiredness, guilt, listening to the spiritual truths, internalizing the spiritual truths.
It is not that always when I read Ramakrishna’s gospel I was feeling pleasant and happy to read further. Many times I felt, “Oh! I am not executing these words, I have to these words.” There was millions of struggle. Sometimes I won’t even feeling like reading the next page. I’ll feel: let me complete this. Let me master this one truth, then I will go to the next. All kinds of mood swings, all kinds of thinking, all kinds of discontentment, all kinds of dissatisfaction, all types of guilt. I have seen everything, of course in a different scale. The scale in which you see is very different, the scale in which I see is different.