Once I went to listen to him talking. He was talking spiritual truths from the Advaita Vedānta philosophy. I will tell you roughly what I understood from his words. I can’t say this is what he said, but I can say this is what I heard! ‘We are not the body; there is no pain or suffering for us.’
When I heard those words, I got a clear shock! I got a feeling of understanding, something from the bottom of my stomach… like how, when I speak thousands of words, a few words grip you…you can never forget those words and they keep resonating inside you, right? Like that, it started resonating within me: ‘I am not the body, I am not the mind, I am something beyond this.’
Please listen! I went to the house; I know I have not understood whatever he said, but, because I was in the pure space of listening, whatever he said was intensely working in me. It is like how Ramakrishna tells in a beautiful story (about the importance of sādhana): ‘A mother-of-pearl (oyster), in order to make a pearl, has to receive the rainwater as it showers from the sky, on the day of during Swati Nakṣatra (an astrological star as per the Vedic calendar). The oyster has to catch the rainwater drop directly from the sky when Swati Nakṣatra is in the peak. Then she has to go into the ocean and process that water drop; that drop of water becomes a ‘pearl’! In the same way, you have to be in the pure space of listening, to receive the words from the master and go and work on it! Only then you will see the pearl happening, the pearl of enlightenment, the experience, happening in you!

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

Understand how My psychology was at that time. Understand how the mind was at that time. If someone suddenly takes away all your wealth, will you be able to sleep for two days? No! In the same way, once this new thought entered My system, I could not sleep.

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

The word was working on Me so powerfully, the word took cognizance of Me. It was so strong on Me, I started contemplating! One day it became too much. I wanted to find out the truth. I wanted to experiment on Myself, whether I have pain or not. I ran, picked up a shaving razor – those days it will be like a long handle on which you will insert a blade and shave – I took My father’s razor, pulled up My trouser and cut My right thigh – a deep and long cut!
Bhagavan Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita, “The soul does not get destroyed; only the body gets destroyed.” Arjuna heard this and killed others as per Krishna’s instructions, to uphold Dharma. But when I heard the same words, I tested it on Myself and saw! Arjuna tested it on others, I tested it on myself!
Anyhow, at that time I did not have any technique or methodology or idea of how to go beyond pain. So naturally, when I cut my thigh, and the blood started oozing out. More than that, my mother saw me and started crying and running around for help. My grandmother, who always suspected I was mad, got her confirmation! She said, “That paithya sami (mad Swami) has done something again.” Actually only the ruckus they created made me feel that I am supposed to be in pain and distress!
I was taken to the hospital. The hospital is just opposite the house. His name is Dr. Karunanidhi. He saw Me and asked Me why I did what I did. I had no answer. Then he did whatever needed to be done – thirteen stitches, the scars of which are still there! He had to put thirteen stitches!

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

Actually, what I had landed upon was a very deep, strong, sacred cognition – I cannot be hurt; I cannot have any pain; I am the atma (soul). Atma cannot have any pain, suffering, nothing. It is pure space! Of course, I needed a few more understandings. See, when I am the atma, soul, I am not the body, and I cannot be destroyed, I don’t have pain, I am beyond suffering. Then, I should have tested that on My atma, not on My body! But I tested it on My body; on something which I am not! The experience is sitting on the atma, the cognition is sitting on the Consciousness, but the experiment I was doing was on My body!
But that understanding I gathered only a little later!

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

I was very angry with Annamalai Swamigal, because I was heavily scolded at home for doing what I did. After a few days, I went to him again and asked him about it. He laughed and said, “Don’t worry my son, you did not understand what I said, but even without understanding, your attitude of experimenting with the truth is a great quality. Hold on to it, you will achieve the ultimate.”

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

He consoled Me and gave Me a lot of candies… I learnt this habit of giving candies to kids from him! It is Annamalai Swamigal who contributed that habit to Me! I still remember, I started going to him just because of the candy that he gives. So he gave Me candies this time also, and gave one last word, “Find out WHO is having that feeling, that you have pain or suffering. Whenever you have time, sit down and see where your thoughts are coming from; ask, ‘Who am I?’” He asked me who I was. I replied I was Rajasekaran and that My grandfather was a big landlord. He said, “Alright, ask yourself who is Rajasekaran? Who says that name?” 

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

Because I was in completion, the words of Annamalai Swamigal had entered Me. Because of the integrity, the words were continuously working on Me. That is ‘Integrity’! Trying to cut My own thigh and checking is ‘Authenticity’. Authenticity means expanding, stretching yourself to the truth. When I decided to take the ‘responsibility’ to find out the root source, the enlightenment experience happened.

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

I can say, for around one-and-a-half years, I was continuously playing with this technique, sometimes very seriously, very passionately.
This incident happened probably when I was ten-and-a-half. After a year, when I was eleven-and-a-half, the enlightenment experience happened.
I will expand on my enlightenment experience in the light of the four tattvas (principles) – Integrity, Authenticity, Responsibility and Enriching!
Listen! Please come to the space of listening! I will describe what exactly happened at the age of twelve.
On pournami (full moon) day… Vishakha Nakṣatra (Vishaka star as per the Vedic calendar) in Vaikashi month (May-June as per the Tamil calendar)… It is Subramanya’s enlightenment day also. As per the tradition, this is the day Subramanya appeared, so it is considered to be the birthday of Subramanya. He appeared from the third eye of Mahādeva. He is the embodiment of jnana, enlightenment.
On this very day, in the evening, I went to Arunācala hill. At the foothills of Arunācala, there is a hillock called Kumaran Kundram. It was locally called Pavazha kundru or Coral rock. This is the rock on which I was sitting. It is a very beautiful place, a very powerful place, where Devi herself became enlightened! It is the place where Devi Parvati did tapas (penance) and became enlightened, so there is still an Ardhanareeshwara (deity representing union of Shiva and Parvati) temple there. The place has a strong connection with the spiritual energy. 

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

As usual, I went and sat on one rock. It was just a casual… usually I would sit here, there, here, there. Somehow, that day, I sat on one rock – which has become a teerthakshetra (pilgrimage spot) now for all our devotees and disciples! Whenever I found the time, I will go and spend time in that space, in that area, because Devi became enlightened there. My Guru Vibhutānanda Puri always used to say, ‘This is Devi’s energy space, Devi’s energy field.’ So I always used to go and sit there. 

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

To tell you honestly, I was not even doing some serious meditation. I can say that, in a way, the whole ambience was so calm, so beautiful, I just decided to close My eyes. Once I closed My eyes, the intensity of My yearning started taking Me over.
The Kāṭhopaniṣad declares, śraddhā viveca; śraddhā (authenticity) just took over Nachiketa (the child hero of the Kāṭhopaniṣad)! All of you know how fear takes you over; how greed takes you over. When fear takes you over, when you have a panic attack, you just do things that you always feel guilty and ashamed about later on. When greed takes you over, you do things which you can never logically justify, even to yourself. But when authenticity takes you over, it is ten thousand times more intense; it is called satori! 

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

My sincere seeking – that overpowered Me! That is the right word I should use. I just felt, ‘What is it that I am seeking? Who is the Me who is seeking? Who is the Me who is deeply discontented about anything I see or hear? Who is it who is deeply discontented even about My own existence? Who am I who is so discontented about My own existence?’
It was such a strong taking-over! When the whole being took over, ‘Who am I who is experiencing this deep discontentment, this suffocation?’ – I could see very clearly, that heaviness just went into the depths of the Consciousness. 

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM

Suddenly, one moment, the first thing that happened is, that idea ‘inside’ and ‘outside’ just broke! The inner space and outer space broke.
Between sunset and moonrise, meaning after 4.30 pm and before 6.00 pm…. that was the time… I felt as if I was being pulled inside… something was getting crushed, and something else was getting created… It was like a vessel inside getting broken and a door opening, both together at the same time..! It was a feeling of creation and destruction at the same time… a very pleasurable feeling… a feeling of calmness… maybe around 5.00 to 5:30 pm… It was a sudden click!
Please listen: It was not a step by step experience. Suddenly, something opened in Me. Let’s say you are trying to connect two pipes, and you are struggling, struggling… When water comes out from the other side of the pipe, suddenly you know that the pipes are connected! Exactly like that, I suddenly knew that something had opened inside Me.
I was actually sitting with closed eyes. So now I know who the experiencer is. I could experience life, being alive, being present in everything. With My eyes closed, I could see literally all the sides – 360 degrees horizontally, and 360 degrees vertically! Not only was I able to see on one side the Pavalakundru temple, in front of Me the hill, and the other side the main Arunācaleśvara temple, but every plant, stone, the sky above Me, the rock below… I still remember… I am not even remembering now, I am literally reliving it..! I was able to see the WHOLE at a time, simultaneously… without turning My head or opening My eyes! I realized that I was one with the whole of Existence and everything was I! It was as if the tree in front of Me became my bone, and the sky above became My nerves!”
When I understood, not only was I able to see, but I also felt, I experienced, that the whole thing is ME. I was ALIVE. How powerfully alive you are inside your skin – if someone touches you, you know it – how alive you are inside your skin, with that same depth of life, of being alive, I felt with everything: the stone, plants, hill, temple, with everything.
Understand: As of now, you feel life only inside your skin. You do not feel the life inside the chair in which you are sitting. When your third eye opens, when the boundary between you and the chair disappears, when the inner chattering disappears, you will feel the same life, same intensity which you feel inside your skin, inside this chair also.
I felt that the skin of the rock on which I was sitting, and the skin of this body, both carry Me equally, in both I exist equally! Both carry me equally! In both I exist equally! The air, the breeze, the setting sun, rising moon, the whole Arunācala Hill, all the plants, bushes, shrubs, trees – everything, everything, everything just became so alive! The idea that something is ‘inside’ and something is ‘outside’ was completely lost!
First, I was able to see all the ten directions, 360 degrees. The next moment itself, I realized that not only I am able to see, but I am able to experience all of that as Me! And I didn’t feel vulnerable; I felt powerful, so powerful! I just know I am that Oneness, the Existence! There is no ‘inner’, there is no ‘outer’, there is no ‘moving’, there is no ‘unmoving’. The smallest movements of these plants is My movement, and the highest stillness of the center of the Cosmos is My stillness. What you call ‘near’, what you call ‘far off, those concepts are lost. What you call as inside you, outside you, those ideas are forgotten. This lasted for around one-and-a half-hours. It was not merely a visualization; I was actually seeing it this way.

– HDH NITHYANANDA PARAMASHIVAM